47 at Forty-seven – The Mid-Life Crisis Diet Project Part: 6

Part: 6 Weeks Five & Six


Gym Friends and Gym Neighbors
It began on March 2nd – this public project to lose 47 pounds (an f-ton of weight) at forty-seven years of age. What was I thinking? Since then I have been weighing-in every Monday morning. So here’s where we are as of April 6.

Week Five weigh-in (drum roll)…
226 lbs. (Down 19 lbs. 28 to go)

Okay, that’s more like it. 4 pounds this week, this is still really working. I’ve decided to keep running my 3.5 miles despite my groin pull. Work through the pain. Man up.

This, I must confess, has been the only real struggle for me. Quitting weed – easy. Quitting booze – easy. Changing my eating habits hasn’t been as difficult as I worried it might be. Luckily for me, all of these things were about bad habits – not addictions. I know that isn’t the case for everyone, so I mean it when I “luckily for me”. The piece I haven’t yet fully put into place is the exercise regime. This still eludes me.

My neighbor Jeff took me up the steep walk at Fryman Canyon this week (which kicked my ass), and consistently offers to go for runs. Holly McB., Matt L. and Kevin B. have offered themselves up as exercise partners. I need to avail myself of these generous offers. I know exercise is one of the most important components to this whole project; I just haven’t made it a priority yet. So far I’ve been doing it here and there, when I can.

New goal – get habitual about my exercise. Set schedules and stick to them. Who’s up for a jog around Balboa Park? Call me.

You Can’t See Dick
Ha! Actually, I can. I have to suck in my gut, but still. If I stand up straight, look down, suck it in – hard…there he is, Orville Red-and-Tender (Yep, that’s still his name). He’s a little smaller than I remember, but that’s him. I could pick him out of a “Line-up”, but I sincerely hope it’ll never come to that.

Sure, I’ve told you my face has gotten thinner, and I have more energy…yeah, yeah. Of all the ways to register my progress…this, THIS! Sniff. Give me a moment, will ya? I feel like John James Audubon just having spotted the rarest of species – the miniature Jew pecker. Eureka!

Rewards and Re-Wardrobes
They have been taunting me, calling to me from deep in the closet. “Hey Chubbo, you’ll never wear us again”. My Nat Nast jeans. The good jeans – the ones that almost make it seem like I have an ass. I tried to pinch myself into them a few times early on. I quickly realized these jeans were a 20 pound milestone goal. Once I lost 20, I would try again. Well guess what, M-er F-ers?

Week Six weigh-in (drum roll)…
223 lbs. (Down 22 lbs. 25 to go)

The jeans fit pretty damn well. I still have a bit of Dunlop’s Disease (when your belly done lops over your belt), so I don’t tuck in the shirt. Not yet. But I will. I will, M-er T-ers.

I made another secret bargain with myself. If I lost more than 20 pounds by April, 20 (4/20), I would celebrate the HOLIDAY. Wait, what holiday, you ask?

For those you not “in the know” – 4/20 is code for smoking weed…and April 20th, 4/20 (pronounced four-twenty) is National Pot Smokers Day (unofficially, of course). This is basically Stoner Christmas. There are several myths as to why 4/20. One – apparently an urban legend is that a 4-20 was the police code for marijuana use. “We have a 4-20 in progress.” The most widely held belief is that 4/20 was student code for “smoke time” at some California High Schools in the seventies. It was the time of day 4:20PM, when detention got out, and the toking could commence. Whatever. Now, it’s the High Holiday.

AND…my reward for being such a good boy, is to give myself, on 4/20 a happy blaze-a-thon.

Open Invitation: to my local happy friends. I will be hosting an all-day open house. 12 to 12. Monday April 20th. You must come by. I have many RSVPs already. Lemme know.

As for the diet, there are no calories in weed, and I don’t intend to binge. I imagine I may go slightly off diet – but I truly intend to keep the ingesting in check and just enjoy my high. Still no booze for me, though. Booze is completely off the table until the goal is reached

For those of you worried that this will re-ignite a habit, don’t. Any weed left over will leave the house. The diet project will resume. God will be in his heaven. After I quit smoking cigarettes, I allowed myself our big New Years Eve party every year as my “cheat night”. Then, the next day I was a non-smoker again. No problem. And, I repeat, nicotine is addictive, weed is not. Happy High Holidays!